In order to build a solid foundation for your marriage, treat your engagement as a practice round for lifelong partnership, and make everything involving your wedding a joint effort. Although the process will ultimately be a collaboration, there are certain traditional groom responsibilities to plan the Wedding.
No matter what the grooms level of interest in wedding planning, the early stages are when he should be the most involved. The most important aspects of the wedding should be joint decisions that accommodate both of your needs and preferences regarding your family and friends. Some major things you’ll want to compromise on together are:
Wedding budget
How much do you have to spend, and where are the funds coming from?
When it comes to who pays for what, the bride’s family has traditionally covered the wedding, while the groom’s family has covered the rehearsal dinner. However, anything goes in modern times. As couples marry later, they may opt to take on a bulk of the costs themselves, or they may receive contributions from their parents that can be spent however they choose: on the wedding or on a down payment on a house. Regardless of if you’re a bride or groom, it’s your job to handle communications regarding any contributions received from your side of the family.
Your Guest List
Who are your must-haves on both sides, and who makes second-tier? Knowing your starting number determines your venue, which determines so many other aspects of your wedding, so it’s crucial to start with a good figure in mind.
Wedding Venue
Your venue impacts so many other aspects of your wedding (your date, maximum guest count, catering, ambiance, etc.) so it’s crucial to pick the one you both like.
Overall Vibe & Atmosphere
Out in the country, or smack dab in the city? Casual and relaxed, or formal and fancy? Selecting a wedding style that reflects both of your personalities will ensure you’ll both be excited to plan it.
From here, have an honest conversation about what details matter most to each of you. If you won’t be working with a wedding planner, divide and conquer the responsibilities. Tradition typically has the groom take point on the bar and the music, but they are by no means confined to those categories. More spiritual than your significant other? Take charge of finding your officiant. Really into food? Offer to schedule tastings with caterers. When it comes to aspects of the wedding you don’t care about as much, let your groom’s opinion take precedence, especially if it’s something important to them. The same is true if the groom is taking the lead on wedding planning overall. Go to the appointments, do a lot of listening, and give your feedback and support when necessary.
Choosing & Coordinating the Groomsman
There are certain traditional groom responsibilities to plan the Wedding and to work with his groomsmen. The first step is selecting them. Pick people you’re still in close contact with. If you haven’t seen each other in a while, there’s no rule they have to be in your wedding just because you were in theirs. Your final group should also include people you’ll be close with in the future, like your spouse’s siblings for example. No matter who you ask, you’ll want to do the asking thoughtfully. Politely let them know this is a big commitment and there are costs involved. Asking six to eight months before your wedding is a good time frame at a dinner with drinks and small personal token gift.
